Jokes

Any dodgy jokes or funnies should be entered into this forum.
As with the rest of the forum try to keep it family friendly!
Thanks to Boot Hill Bandit for the new name.

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Mikeadman
Posts: 164
Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2016 6:37 pm
MGF Register Region: Midlands
Model of Car: MGTF 135 2005
Location: Birmingham Airport

Jokes

Postby Mikeadman » Sun Oct 22, 2017 12:04 pm

___________________________________________

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence

come from?'

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause

I still have mine.'

___________________________________________

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took

the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good

with the kids.'

___________________________________________

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been

living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that

were used to put the curse on you.'

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

___________________________________________

A blonde calls American Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take

to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

___________________________________________

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

'A golf gun! What the heck is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

___________________________________________

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

___________________________________________

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him

how he is feeling.

'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in

surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'

___________________________________________

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of

bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had

even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an

all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.

___________________________________________

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of

thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more

thunder rumbling in the distance...

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's arrived.

Cheers

Mike 8-)

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