___________________________________________
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence
come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause
I still have mine.'
___________________________________________
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took
the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good
with the kids.'
___________________________________________
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been
living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
___________________________________________
A blonde calls American Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take
to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
___________________________________________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What the heck is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
___________________________________________
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
___________________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him
how he is feeling.
'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in
surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
___________________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an
all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
___________________________________________
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of
thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more
thunder rumbling in the distance...
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's arrived.
Cheers
Mike
Jokes
Moderator: Committee Members